It’s almost Halloween, and this means it's time for scary things might appear, including ghosts, goblins, and haunted houses, but hopefully not Mark Udall in the U.S. Senate.
But it’s also a time for treats, and sweet things, like Governor Sarah Palin, who traveled around Colorado on Monday, including a stop in Grand Junction where she was greeted by 22,000 raucous fans. According to media reporters, there was also an equally strong showing of Obama supporters outside the event (videotape shows at least five people. Maybe six.)
But the numbers aren’t important. What’s important is that they made their voices heard. Obama-Biden signs were seen, held up by protesters who chose to keep their anonymity by wearing ugly, hideous masks. At least, I assume those were masks.
Regardless, these passionate Obama supporters were out in force to express their call for change, moving past the bitter political divisiveness of the past. They did this by screaming the F-word very loudly. They also tried to block Governor Palin’s motorcade, which you have to admit is a very creative way express your desire for "Hope."
The protesters called themselves "Democracy Direct" - a very fitting moniker in that nothing communicates your commitment toward democracy more than trying to stop a candidate from participating in the democratic process. These protesters were so committed to democracy that police had to shove them aside so that the motorcade wouldn’t run over them. They could have been very seriously injured.
Then again, that may just be wishful thinking. None of the protesters were hurt, so hopefully these losers...um, I mean concerned citizens will mature, and become productive members of society, and get jobs. And I’m talking about real jobs, not the mandatory community service sentences coming their way, either through court orders or Obama's proposed 21st Century version of a New Deal.
Lucky for the protesters, we have here in Colorado a huge economic industrial engine that is creating thousands of jobs a month.
It’s name is Bill Ritter.
It was revealed this week that while taking a break from illegally raising our property taxes and jamming unions down our throat, our governor has somehow found the time to single-handily create a whooping 90,000 jobs as part of his "new energy economy policies." Some have questioned the governor’s outrageous figure, but I can assure you that this number comes from a very reliable source: the governor. The only thing I love more than our governor is his humility. Really.
Quite impressive if you ask me; 90,000 jobs in only 22 months as governor. As far as I’m concerned, Michigan can have their "General Motors" and Washington state can have "Microsoft." We have Bill Ritter and his 90,000 new imaginary jobs. In fact, it’s kind of like when you were four-years-old and you had an imaginary friend, only in this case, you have 90,000 imaginary friends, all of whom you’ve made join imaginary unions with imaginary union dues.
And while we’re on the topic of jobs, a question for everyone: In your working lifetime, have you ever been hired by a homeless man?
I ask this after seeing the anti-Amendment 47 TV ad. The spot is a pro-union, negative attack on these supposedly evil, wealthy businessmen - men who sit around smoking cigars as an ominous voice in the background warns us about dangerous "rich business owners." Damn, sounds like fun to me.
Can someone tell me when wealth and success became bad things in America? Pat Stryker’s grandpa founded a medical company. He worked hard and smart, and eventually became a rich businessman. Was he evil?
The fact is: when you’re unemployed and find yourself needing money to buy the essentials for your family, such as food, and clothing, Hannah Montana concert tickets, and a 50-inch LCD flat screen plasma TV, you apply for a job at a successful company owned by rich businessmen. You don’t rush up to the nearest poverty-stricken welfare recipient and ask him if he’s hiring.
With all of these expenses, it's a wonder that some people can't get to a computer with Internet - especially not the taxpayer-funded computers (complete with access to porn) at the library down the street. No, but seriously, it appears that some people have a hard time getting access to the Word Wide Web. According to the activist group Common Cause, this is a "cause" for concern.
They’re out pushing a proposal that includes a provision to ensure everyone has access to the Internet. They call it "A Bill of Media Rights" and it’s a patriotic reminder to us all that when our brave forefathers fought and died for our nation, they did so in the hope that one day we'd all have a constitutional right to life, liberty, and broadband Internet access.
Specifically, the Common Cause resolution demands:
"Universal, affordable Internet access for news, education, and government information, so that all citizens can better participate in our democracy and culture."
Speaking of information you've just got to have, let's talk about political opinions from annoying foreign celebrities who can’t even vote in our elections:
James Bond star Daniel Craig is letting all of us dumb Americans know that Barack Obama would be a much better James Bond than John McCain. Is Barack Obama similar to James Bond? I’m not sure, to be honest. Obama used to spend his days as an ACORN volunteer filling out paperwork. John McCain? He just used to be a decorated fighter pilot, that's all. I’ll have to think about that one.
In the meantime, we’ll conclude with Amendment 58, the measure that would increase energy taxes. Ritter is now appearing in ads pushing the measure. He mentions how if voters raise energy taxes, $300 million dollars will be added to the state coffers. Then, he says, he’ll use that $300 million to cut taxes for ordinary, hard working Colorado residents.
I’m just kidding about that last part of course. He’d spend the $300 million. All of it. On what you ask? Various pet projects. Some call it pork, but some say it’s important to spend more on a growing population. I understand this.
After all, 90,000 new imaginary friends can sure put a strain on the state's infrastructure.