By Andrew Ripemoff
A recent FTS investigation has revealed a shadowy group of clandestine lefty extremists who refer to racial minorities as "idiots." Although hate groups have seen their influence in Colorado wane from their 1920's era peak, this well-financed group is just now coming out of the shadows. We’re not completely sure if members of this dangerous clique use a secret handshake and speak in code, but the secretive organization's members do operate a structure that even they admit "provides privacy to members." They’re also strongly opposed to the Colorado Civil Rights Initiative (Amendment 46) and its ideals of treating all races equally. On top of all of that, written memos from members have revealed language where they talk about threatening people using a "foot on throat" approach.
No, no, it's not what you're thinking. I’m talking about CoDA.
The CoDA, or Colorado Democracy Alliance, is a super-secret organization of the wealthy and powerful who work together to elect Democrats.
They also spend a lot of money pushing their agenda. Almost as much as the Ritter team does campaigning for various ballot meausres. The main difference is that Ritter uses your money. Granted, using taxpayer money to influence political elections is illegal, but let’s be honest: nobody has ever accused the Ritter administration of acting ethically.
The CoDA?
They don’t use taxpayer money. They use money that Pat Stryker’s daddy earned. They’ve gotten a huge black eye lately, which is sort of odd, seeing as how one of their "critical contacts" is a Pennsylvania PR honcho named Dominic Delpapa. And no, I’m not joking, so don’t give me that look. Yes, I realize the purpose of a public relations firm is to make your organization look GOOD, but Mr. Delpapa seems to be taking an opposite approach. I applaud him for thinking outside the box.
In fact, something gives me the idea that if this guy worked for Mother Theresa, she’d end up having a 14 percent approval rating.
Speaking of approval ratings, at least the governor’s rating has improved. He’s at 44 percent, meaning a majority of Coloradans actually want him to break his "Colorado Promise."
And he’s been busy lately, too. God forbid you get between a TV camera and the governor. Unaware that he has about as much political pull as that opinionated drunk cousin you see at family reunions, Ritter is spending every day ignoring the people’s business so that he can host yet another sleep-inducing press conference - a phony televised staging complete with the requisite ethnic, "business", and agnostic-holistic-spiritual-inter-religious groups strategically placed in the shot behind him.
Mr. Ritter’s latest press conference had him talking about Amdendment 48 and the detailed definition of what constitutes a fertilized human egg. By the way, you'd think he'd learn from Barack Obama, who taught us all that you can even use a teleprompter at the rodeo fairgrounds. Please, Ritter, please! For the sake of our sanity, please look up occasionally while reading your speeches.
Which brings us to fertilizer of a different kind. And here I’m talking about Big Labor.
Actually, labor is the wrong term. Labor implies "work" and nobody really associates the words, "union" and "work."
And from now on, nobody will ever associate the words "union message" with "subtlety."
We’ve previously written about how voting for this right-to-work measure would, (ahem) increase infant mortality. But now we’ve learned its passage is somehow tied to bridge collapses and class 5 hurricanes.
Really.
I don’t know about the union work ethic, but somebody in the hyperbole department over there sure is working overtime.
This all of course, is coming from Colorado WINS, a coalition of unions that uses the motto: "When state employees have a voice, Colorado wins." Which admittedly is kind of catchy, and much better than their previous slogan, "Support the union, or there may be an unfortunate accident involving your legs."
We’ll conclude this week’s episode with a look at the next generation of political activitsts. We’ve seen the next generation in action. We’ve seen their passion. We’ve looked inside the minds of these young people.
And frankly, we’re scared.
I’m talking about the recent Rocky Mountain News story involving a trio of boys who have gotten into some trouble for spray painting a big Barack Obama sign on a fence. Why do they support Obama you ask?
"I’ve thought long and hard about the issues, but ultimately I’ve decided to support Senator Obama, partly based upon his desire to establish more accountability in the subprime mortgage industry, including the introduction of comprehensive legislation that would establish federal definitions of mortgage fraud as it relates to the macro-economic housing industry in general," said one of the boys.
(OK. I made that quote up. But he did say something about "change.")
One of the boys is only 16-years-old, so although he can’t legally vote for Obama, you just know those ACORN guys are trying to get him registered.
Anyhow, like I said, the boys spray painted, "Vote for Obama" in large lettering on their grandparents' fence, using the typical "ugly" font used by all graffiti artists.
I’m sorry. It’s not graffiti. It’s a "positive message." Or so says one of the teenage artists. "We were just basically trying to change from just doing graffiti to doing something positive."
Sure! Forget about volunteering to help the elderly. Don’t even THINK about donating to an animal shelter. There is nothing, NOTHING more positive you could do in this world than graffiti your grandparents' fence with an ugly 26-foot-tall tacky political message.
My point is that we need to show these young men how Senator Obama won’t be as strong as John McCain in keeping us free from terrorist attacks. We need to show them how Mr. Obama’s friendship with unrepentant terrorists like William Ayers, and America haters like Jeremiah Wright. We need to teach these boys how Mr. Obama’s tax and spend policies do not have their future interests at heart. These kids should learn from our example.
But hey, here at Face The State, we're all about free speech. We wouldn't call these kids "idiots." We'll leave that to the folks over at CoDA.